the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I show you my penis last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
