I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
