I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
