He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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