Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
