I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
