she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
