i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
