mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
