so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
