Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
