How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
