So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
