tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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