in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
