Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
