you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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