omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
