I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
