i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
