About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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