I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
