your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
