Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
