The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
