we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
