Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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