Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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