Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
