Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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