Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
