the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
