woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
