Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
