just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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