thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
