Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
