Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
