Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
COCAINE IS GR8
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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