Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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