Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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