1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I skipped work to stalk him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
