I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
