Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
