Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
