fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
