doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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