I want to stick my p in your. b.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
