Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
