Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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