im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
