I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
