John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
