I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
