your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
