Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
