This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
