cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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