I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
