Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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