The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
