My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
