i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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