smell my finger.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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