so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
