remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
