yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
