Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
