from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
